8th Day “Bewildered in Confusion”
I woke up with a very good mood. Yesterday I served Madame sincerely, and maybe she understood it. Or maybe today I might get another chance to show her my appreciation and total devotion to her. Feeling really happy I stood up, ready to start my morning chores. I was actually whistling, trying to be as quiet as possible.
An idea came to my mind.
Madame introduced to me as Natasha, some days ago. But I was sure some friends called her Samantha. Isn’t it strange?
So what, I told to myself. Maybe she lied to you about her name, just like you did, remember? Or maybe she’s got two names. Stop being a detective, I told myself smilingly. She’s “Madame” to you, that’s her name as far as you’re concerned.
Madame’s breakfast first, I thought, glancing at the alarm clock next to my bed.
Fear struck me! It was already nine thirty. God! I thought. It’s so late. I just realized that the alarm didn’t work.. My only hope was that Madame was still fast asleep. My day was beginning badly, I said to myself loosing my temper. I was wasting valuable time thinking about names, while I had to be flying to my duties. I rushed to my small bathroom to get ready for work. I was so worried, I could hardly contain myself. What if Madame is awake by now? What would I say? Why should this thing happen to me? Damn clocks!
A couple of minutes later, I was almost running down the stairs, keeping as quiet as possible, trying to catch up the lost time. When I reached the base of the stairway, I realized in terror that Madame was sitting on the couch sipping coffee. It was like an inside explosion in my body. Like dynamite exploding in my chest. Total disaster, I thought. How could I explain? What could I say for being so incompetent? Is there any excuse for my failure?
I stood there frozen for some time. Madame must have realized how panicked I was. I was beginning to tremble. I heard her laughing.
– Good morning Chris! She said happily. Pull yourself together, will you? There’s coffee in the kitchen. Help yourself and come here. And please use a cup will you?
– Good morning Madame! I managed to stumble and started walking uncertainly to the kitchen.
Madame made her own coffee! I thought. Madame waked up without my presence. Her divine feet touched the ground without first touching my waiting hands! Maybe she even had to search for her slippers! I failed her!
WHY? I almost shouted as I was pouring some coffee in a cup. How could I be so useless?
At that moment I realized that she actually called me with my real name. Not “Stanley”, as I lied to her in the beginning, not “slave” as she used to call me. My real name!. OK, she knows it from my personal papers that I handed to her some days ago.
I came back holding my coffee, still trembling. Coffee was pouring out of the cup to the small saucer plate.
– Sit here, next to me, Chris, she told me pointing to the empty seat on the couch.
I did as I was told, speechless and still trembling. The couch was really soft, but to me it felt like hard rock. I was so stiff, I thought I might break up into pieces, even from the slightest move. What was going on? What was going totally wrong? My place was at her feet, not next to her. She handed me a handkerchief to wipe the spilt coffee off the plate. I carefully cleaned my cup, staring at her slippers.
– Relax, Chris! She told me in a smiling voice. Look at me!
I looked at her in the eyes, with a frightened, guilty look. She was actually smiling at me! God she was so beautiful! And I failed her, I thought. What would happen next? I just couldn’t keep my eyes to her face. I didn’t find it proper. So I lowered my sight, down to her feet again. She sighed. Maybe she’s not that angry after all, I thought. Madame was so good to me all these days. Maybe I’ll never realize how generous she can be. Maybe she’ll forgive me, I hoped.
– Do you know what day it is today, Chris? Madame asked.
– …Eh, I think it’s Sunday Madame. I replied in a soft uncertain voice.
– What else? Something special about it? She insisted.
– … It’s the first day of the week. A relaxation day… for Madame, I promptly added.
-How could you forget? Today is exactly one week after our first encounter, don’t you agree?
– Yes Madame! I said excited. You are right. How could I forget? Please forgive me. I’m so useless, I said in a disappointed voice.
– It’s OK, she said happily. I thought we had to celebrate it somehow.
– Thank you very much Madame for your consideration, but I think I do not deserve it. I’m afraid I’ve failed you, I said tears coming out of my eyes. I tried to keep my cup of coffee as steady as possible. Difficult thing though, with all this trembling. My face must have the same color as the cup, I thought.
– Nonsense, she laughed. I was the one who switched your alarm clock off this morning. I thought you needed some rest.
– YOU? I asked astonished.
– Yes, you silly man! No reason to feel bad.
I abidinpaşa escort felt blood coming back to my face. So I wasn’t so useless after all. It was Madame who wanted me to get some rest. Maybe as a gift for our first week together. Maybe I hadn’t failed her after all. I was now beginning to calm down. I managed to sip some coffee.
– So, she went on, I thought I’d give you some time to rest. You had a busy week lately. I made my own breakfast, as I used to a week ago, waiting for you to wake up.
– Thank you ever so much Madame! You’re so kind!
– A couple of things came to my mind, as I was waiting. So I’d like to discuss them with you…NO, don’t disturb me. I want to finish my thoughts first.
A week ago, when you first rubbed my aching feet, I thought that I was really lucky to have met you. I was going to exploit you as far as I could. I always wanted a slave at my service and you gave me the chance to fulfill my expectations. I managed to have complete power over your body and mind. And you reacted nicely to my needs…
I was beginning to gain my confidence back again. The cup stopped trembling. Maybe it wasn’t such a bad day after all, I thought. I had a great urge to kneel at her feet, kissing them, thanking her for her kindness and generosity. I stayed motionless instead. Madame continued in an absentminded voice.
– You quickly became my obedient slave, ready to obey my wishes. You worshipped me as a Goddess. My friends were thrilled with your attitude, and felt very jealous for my luck. You made me believe what I always wanted; to have a slave that actually BELONGS to me. You became my property, to use you as I please.
Kate phoned me in the morning, filling me with all the details about yesterday. She was so excited about you. She actually told me that she was willing to take you up or even buy you, if I ever got bored with you. And Clara’s feet, Kate told me, are so addicted to your tongue service, that she can hardly wait for another session. You’ve done well, Chris. You pleased me a lot. So this is what I have to propose to you.
I was all ears, I was devouring Madame’s words as hungrily as ever. Maybe I was a selfish egoist, but I really liked what I was listening. Madame carried on…
– I’m giving you back your personal things…
… Your freedom. I’ll even phone your boss, to convince him to take you back in your old job… I’ll also give you some money to help you go along…Your debt to me is over …
I realized the meaning of Madame’s last words as I was getting another sip of coffee. My first reaction was nothing. Emptiness. I felt the ground disappearing from my feet. I felt like I was going down a deep dark funnel, screaming hopelessly. My lower jaw dropped down in astonishment. Coffee was spilling out of my opened mouth. I couldn’t think, or react. My hands felt numb. I couldn’t do anything. I guess this is what some people call “a temporary black-out”.
The only thing that was able to think and react was the cup of coffee. It decided to follow one of the basic rules of physics: “What goes up, must come down”.
It fell from my hands, turning over on my laps, finally reaching the floor, after spilling coffee on me, Madame’s feet and carpet.
My eyes were motionless, so much as the rest of me. I couldn’t speak, anyway even if I could, I had nothing to say. Maybe I was dead. I couldn’t say. I think I must have stopped breathing too. I felt air was thin around me. Or maybe it was because I was falling so fast in this long dark funnel. The only thing to expect was to reach the bottom of it.
Was I there dreaming, or was I dreaming I was there?
– …OR … you can stay here… Madame added with a serious voice, not paying any attention to the rebel cup and the spills of “coffee rebellion”.
– … I …I …need … That was all I managed to say. Madame went on, looking me closely.
– Or, you can stay here, as I was saying, going on with your duties. You see I consider myself a fair person. So I’m giving you a chance, to think it over.
Suddenly the funnel disappeared. My falling route was stopped by the chair I was sitting on. Did I reach the bottom of the funnel? Was this chair the bottom of it? Was it a magic funnel? It disappeared when the magic phrase was spoken: “you can stay here …”. I was getting back to my senses now. I could clearly see the cup on the floor, by Madame’s feet.
– Please Madame, I managed to say in a tired voice. Could you explain?
– You see Chris, Madame said picking her words carefully, for the last week I had you as my personal slave, attending to my needs, obeying my orders, worshipping my feet whenever I felt like it. You did this because you had no alternative. I had you under my power. That was all I wanted. I began training you for your duties, only to find out that you were somehow born for your position. I didn’t have to force you, or even threaten adana escort you to obey. You just obeyed.
– Shouldn’t I be doing this? I asked uncertainly.
– Of course I was really satisfied with your progress, Madame continued ignoring my question. But now, a week after, I think I should give you another chance.
Look here Chris. You have two choices.
One: you can leave, taking everything that belongs to you, including your mind and body. Even the clothes I bought you yesterday. Consider them as a present. Become a free man again, forgetting the whole thing altogether. After some time you’ll think it was just a bad dream.
Two: stay here, becoming what you were during the last week. My personal dedicated slave. Let me warn you though. If you decide to stay, then there is absolutely NO WAY BACK. I won’t tolerate any disobedience or draw back from your side. I’ll never speak to you as equal again, Chris. You’ll be my rightful slave and I’ll always treat you as such. I was harsh on you the other day, asking your sincere confirmation. So I’m asking you again. This time your answer will be considered as “totally final”.
It’s only fair I think to ask for your final decision …
– Madame, I ..
– Don’t answer now, she interrupted me. I’m going out to the fitness club. I’ll be back in the afternoon. I’ll use my bicycle, as every Sunday, remember? She asked meaningfully.
– Yes I remember, I answered absentmindedly.
– When I come back, I expect you either to be away, in which case the whole matter is over, or still be here as my permanently enslaved servant. You’re absolutely free to decide. Your future or even your whole life might depend on this decision. Is this perfectly clear?
– Yes Madame I said.
– So let be it! She said. Don’t bother helping me to get ready. Consider it as your morning off. I can manage myself.
– But surely Madame, I dared saying, at least let me clean the mess I did on your divine feet. If I am to leave, then this is my way of thanking you for all that you’ve done for me…
– Do you mean it? She asked with a sparkle in her eyes.
– But of course Madame! I said and dropped to her feet on my knees.
– OK, I do have some time to spare before I go.
She offered me her beautiful feet and I carefully removed her slippers. Her right foot was clean, but the left one had stains of dried coffee starting from her shapely ankles, reaching down her tender toes. I kissed her pink painted toes with passion, before going on with the wash.
I left her right foot gently touch the floor, and took her left tenderly in my hands. I started sucking her toes clean, as keenly as ever. Her feet were not smelly at all, after all the licking I did last night. Her toes tasted like fresh coffee. Strange I thought, what a different way to serve coffee. I carefully licked in between her toes to remove any coffee still stuck. I then went on with her soft sole, with long strokes of my tongue, using my well trained teeth when required.
Madame didn’t say a word while I was washing her foot, but I could still feel she was examining me carefully. Maybe she was trying to find out about my intentions. I was too much occupied with my duty as her foot cleaner, to even think of expressing my intentions to her.
Having cleaned her heel, I went on to wash her ankles. Her foot felt so light in my hands. So valuable, so fragile. I was holding it as softly as I could as if I was afraid it might break. Was it the last time I was licking this foot clean? I couldn’t answer. I was so confused, so emotionally pressed.
As soon as I finished, I started placing kisses on her foot, to inform her that I finished and was ready to clean her other foot. She let me kiss her foot a little more, but she didn’t offer me the other one to clean.
Suddenly she stood up, put her slippers on and told me.
– My other foot is clean. I have to go now. Please stay here. You can sit on the couch.
She went upstairs, leaving me still kneeling on the floor, as puzzled and as worried as ever. I was still on the floor when she came back in her athletic outfit and shoes, just like when we first met. I looked at her sadly. She was so beautiful. Yet so far away…
She left an amount of money on the living room sofa.
– For your expenses, should you decide to leave. She explained.
Bye Chris, she said. Remember what I’ve told you.
Soon she was gone. I stayed there for some time, trying to digest what was going on. Things happened so fast, I felt I couldn’t follow. It’s strange isn’t it?
Last Sunday morning I was a free man enjoying my life. This morning, after a week in slavery and total submission I was given the opportunity to become free again. Normally I should feel relieved. But I wasn’t. I was so confused.
I must do something, I said to myself. No point sitting on the floor doing nothing. Maybe later I’ll have a clear mind to realized what happened and what has to be done. I’m a simple minded person, I thought. I can adıyaman escort act and react as long as I face one thing at a time. But now it was totally different. So many things happened so quickly. I was so disorganized!
Pull yourself together, I said to myself as if trying to be my own coach.
I stood up and went to the kitchen to clean up. I did the dishes and cleaned the floor. I then went back to the living room to clean up the spilt coffee, hoping that it would come off. It wasn’t difficult after all. One thing about good quality carpets is that dirt comes off easily. Madame was very careful choosing her belongings. Or should I say “Natasha”? or “Samantha”? God I was so confused!
I went upstairs to Madame’s bathroom to make sure everything was in order. I then did her bedroom and changed her bed sheets. I also washed her coffee stained slippers, using a hair drier to dry them.
It was almost noon by now. A happy delightful sun was out there, waiting to greet me. Or maybe not…
I went downstairs to the kitchen, unlocked the back door and took the garbage out. I was working really hard, without a break, trying not to think of anything. Because thinking was hurtful. And I didn’t want to be hurt any more…
I came back and went to my room. I put everything in place and sat on the bed. Maybe I’d better make myself something to eat. But I wasn’t hungry. I felt I couldn’t get anything through my mouth. Maybe Madame’s foot had put its signature in my mouth. I shouldn’t spoil it. Am I going crazy? I asked myself.
– No point avoiding your responsibilities, I loudly said.
I had to make a decision. Was I to leave and become a free man, or stay and be a slave for the rest of my life. Madame made it perfectly clear to me. I was used to the idea of obeying Madame all the time. I was convinced she knew what was good for me. But now, she left me to decide. And the decision was difficult to make.
– Maybe she doesn’t want me here any more. I’m useless to her.
I felt angry. I was licking female feet for the past days, but I still have some pride left. That’s it. I made up my mind, I said loudly and firmly. I’m a free man.
Having said that, I started packing. That didn’t take a lot of time, since my belongings were not so many. I wore the clothes Madame bought me yesterday and went downstairs. I had a last look around as if to fix all the scenes in which I took part last week, deeply into my mind.
If only I could realize what Madame wanted of me! But she was very careful not to show it. I tried to remember her lasts words. Maybe then I could find out her emotions, her desires. But no. she was very careful not to bias my decision. Madame was always right. But now, I had to be right… or wrong (?)
I went out through the front door, closing it behind it. That’s it, I said. It’s all over. Time to go home.
What home? Where is home?
I went to the back, were my old car was parked. “hello my friend” I said. Maybe I was getting mad, talking to the car. But then a lot of people talk to things, don’t they?
I tried to open the door. It was locked.
– Damn it! I said. I forgot my keys upstairs.
I went back to the house, only to realize that I didn’t have any keys to go in. isn’t it funny? A house is your slave cage, your prison for a week. I wasn’t allowed to go out without permission. And now, I wasn’t allowed to go in, no matter what. I’m not a superstitious person, but this incident shook me a bit. What could I do? In a way, I wasn’t allowed to leave, since I had no car keys, but I wasn’t allowed to go back either, since the front door was closed.
I then remembered the back door. I had unlocked it to get the garbage out, forgetting to lock it afterwards. Lucky me for being so incompetent, I laughed.
I rushed to the back door and entered Madame’s kitchen. I then went upstairs to pick my keys. I went back to the kitchen, locked the door properly and headed for the front door, keys in my hand.
As I was opening the door, I saw somebody coming fast towards the house. I looked more carefully, behind the glass closing the door slowly. God! It was Madame coming back on her bicycle. And she wasn’t alone! Another woman was cycling right behind her! It was already afternoon!
I panicked. What should I do now? I made up my decision some time ago. I was to leave. So she shouldn’t find me here. That was our agreement and I meant to keep it.
– The back door! I said and rushed to the kitchen.
I could unlock the door easily under normal circumstances. But not now. My hands trembled. I heard the front door opening. I froze motionless. The right thing to do was to unlock the door and disappear. Maybe no one would notice me. I should have taken my chances. But in my condition, I couldn’t react efficiently. Instead I stayed in the kitchen and hid behind the door leading to the living room. I could even hear Madame’s soft steps on the living room carpet, together with my pounding heart. I then recognized Miss Kate’s voice.
– Told you so! Samantha. She was saying in an excited voice. You should never have given him a second chance. The bird flew off the cage. You should know better than that. You didn’t loose your slave only, but the bet as well. You owe me some money dear. I was right about him leaving you alone.